BALLS TO THE WALL FISHING

The only place to stay current on the latest manic ramblings from the Florida Panhandle.

CHEEKY FLY REELS, THE OFFICIAL REEL OF BALLS TO THE WALL FISHING

Thursday, December 31, 2009

AND THE A2B PERSON (DOUCHE BAG) OF THE YEAR IS....

It was VERY close this year, but congratulations to Charlie Sheen on his 2009 victory

There seems to be a re-occuring theme with this award every year, it always has something to do with somebody being shit-ass drunk and then doing something that pretty much fucks up their life either permanently, or temporarily long term. In 2007, it was the incredibly shit faced fishing guide who ended up losing his business, wife & kid and home to his fine deeds which ended having him charged with assault and battery, and then convicted of crimes related. Then in 2008 it was the dick fuck, and teacher I might ad, in Kansas City trying to beat up Cyclocross fans at the National Championships in a drunken stupor in his underwear when it was 20 degrees outside. Well, this year, sir Charlie Sheen wins it over about 100 other arseholes due to his Christmas eve battering of his wife in their 7.5 million dollar home which was rented in Aspen last week. As you know, Charlie is the star of "Two and a Half Men". Apparently, Charlie Sheen is the "half man" in that show as he apparently has a liking for wacking women around that he is married too or in some other disfunctional relationship with. I just had to go for the guy who spent Christmas day in the slammer in Aspen after beating on his drop dead beaut of a wife....what a man. Have a drink on me Charlie, you pulled out a very late and close victory this year when Tiger had a wrap on it. At least Tiger's wife got a couple of good shots in on him before he was found rolling around on the asphalt crying thirteen other women's names in a stupor. Atta boy Charlie!

A2B WISHES YOU ALL A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

May we all make it to 2011 in one piece, may it snow before the end of the ski season, may you get a new full squish 29er, may your significant other take you for what you are worth and stop nagging, may your kids not make you want to ignore them through the rest of their childhood, may you not get a foreclosure notice, may you continue to read this rambling pile of shit, may you tell the developers of Eagle River Station to shove their project up their ass, may Rush Limbaugh stay fat, unhealthy and addicted to pain meds, may Tiger Woods finally show us the 9 iron imprint on his forehead, may the Taliban go fuck themselves, may your inlaws go on a vacation next year at the holidays so you do not have to grind your teeth through a week of visiting them.....that would be a good year.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

THERE HAS BEEN AN UPSET IN THE A2B PERSON OF THE YEAR VOTING....

A late rally has produced a surprise "Douche Bag of the Year" on A2B, this person will be revealed shortly. I was hoping it would be Oprah, but.....

HIRSCH AROUND THE WORLD...

One of the coolest parts of working around the cycling industry is some of the characters you get to meet along the way. Some are just folks looking for a free sample of this or that, others are out there on a misssion, introducing Hirsch, who I met at the Crested Butte Fat Tire week last summer. The guy comes over to the Squirt Lube tent and starts talking about this "trip" he's taking, and of course at that point I'm not quite sure what type of "trip" he is talking about. But he explains more, that he is going to ride around the world and has heard how long Squirt Lube lasts and that he wants to check it out. So I hook the guy with a bunch of bottles and the next thing I know he is riding Squirt Lube around the world...and I get an e-mail with some pics last week. Get some Hirsch.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

THE FINAL TUNE UPS FOR WORLDS...ANYBODY'S GAME?

With Tabor quickly approaching, it's still anyone's year on both thw women's and men's side of the assualt on the Raibow jerseys. The men's side has a handful of contenders, but look for Nys to once again be on top in the eyes of A2B, he's just been in amazing form this year, nd I do no see Albert getting away early this year. On the women's side, well it appears that Vos is peaking at the absolute perfect time, but with a highly technical World's course this year in Tabor, will this favor Katie Compton enough to win her first World title? It should be interesting, Compton so close last year...I look for her to go early again this year and hold it, for the win.
.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

MEN'S 35+ OPEN HIGHLIGHT, COLORADO STATE CX CHAMPIONSHIPS

The latest and greatest addition from Brian Patrick at Onsight Media from the 2009 Colorado State Cyclocross championships. Men's 35+ open. This shit is for real.....Ward Baker lives his dream. The 10th overall ranked rider in the season series steps it up on the biggest day of the CX year to be crowned a State Champion.

THAT HURT ME...

That was a big bite to chew for day one on the Nordic gear. Two and a half hours of killer classic skiing at Devil's Thumb, with a good kick wax selection for the shade but not the sun covered snow, and if you are looking to get some work in on the skinnys, go hit it, it aint that big a trip if you take the Trough road over (Colorado River Road). I'm not going to walk well for several days, and I only ate shit once, which was nice. 85km of killer groomed, most of it suitable for both skate or classic skiing."Blue Extra" is the perf Classic Track, just hold on when you descend Waxwing.
Pick your pain cave....

NORDIC GEAR....CHECK.

Ahhhh, a day off, after working my arse off through the Christmas Holiday it's time to start the move towards a healthy 2010 a week early. I've eaten nearly the entire three pound box of cheez-its, and it's time to move on. It would be such a simple pleasure at this point to wake up ONE morning and see the temperature ABOVE zero, but why should we be so lucky. At least I did not spend a small fortune to go ski Colorado this week and FREEZE MY BALLS OFF everyday on crowded, hardpacked slopes. Hence, being pretty much over "the illness" whatever the hell it was, it's time to get down right primal and bust out the Nordic, which by the way, if you need some gear, it sounds like the Bozeman Gear Gods are sending me some new CX gear shortly which means I'll be selling a couple pairs of these reasonably cheap if you are looking to get some Nordic skis. I've been off the program for a couple of seasons, time to get back on it.
Do something about it.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

Christmas Eve day at the Beav, 2009
While I was skiing solo today, I had alot of time to think about stuff. One thing I thought about often was how thankful I was to be in my current situation, which is hopefully bouncing back in some form from what has been a financially disasterous year. I thought about how strange this past year or so has been and how little time I've spent with my really good friends as everyone continues to batten down the hatches and try and somehow weather this very long crushing economic storm we are now in the midst of. At the same time the phone conversations are still healthy, but the subject has been predominantly about survival, and what we are all doing to get through it. Damn I'm thankful for my job at the Beaver Creek Lodge as Concierge right now, it's giving me a sliver of hope I may not lose everything even though I'm pretty much there. Thanks for hiring me guys. I also thought about where I was last year at this time and how thankful I was today while skiing that I was not on my way to Cohasset, Minnesota in a car for over 20 hours with three people I barely knew chasing something that was never really there. What a long strange trip that turned out to be once I got the inside scoop from the friends and the disfunction I ran into up there, don't ya know, it's damn good to be in my own home this year, with zero baggage. I thought quite a bit about how little all of my friends of the past ten years actually know about me and my past as a skier. We all go rip around on the hill, have fun, laugh, look for face shots and what not, but this is so far from my prior ski life when I lived daily among the highest peaks of Summit County. It's funny how the transformations take place. I thought about how for nearly fifteen years in Summit County most of my life was spent boot packing and climbing with skis on pack to some incredible places, with some amazing characters, three of which are gone now, swept away by the snow's fury on the wrong day at the wrong place. And I thought about my own avalanche episode which I've never liked to talk about over the years because it was just a bad choice on a bad day, after a dozen years of skating around disaster with luck on my side. All of my avalanche
gear was sold within a week, everything, and I never really stepped outside the line again out of respect for mother nature and how she gave me a second chance at it. As we used to say in Summit County up at A-Basin, "all the experts are dead". We did not skin, we strapped em on our backs and climbed, in ski boots, for three or four hours, to ski for ten to fifteen minutes, in some incredible places, with some of my best friends who have been gone for many years now. There are very few photos from those days, there was no digital camera in the early 80's and 90's, and frankly, we did not give a rats ass about pictures because we were out in it everyday, we knew what it looked like, and the fewer people we saw "out there" the better. The treks were brutally difficult, sometimes kicking steps or post holing through bottomless snow up some incredibly steep and then rocky terrain, in every type of weather imaginable, guys taking turns at the front for 20-30 minutes at a time, I was so terrified some of those days building a narrow platform to just get the skis on my feet silence ruled, we all had the same thoughts....and now, I spend my days on the packed groomers of Vail and Beaver Creek when I do indeed ski. And there was something really cool about it today. Nearly every chair ride was with a parent and a kid, and the kids were super excited about Christmas, and it was pretty cool talking with them all as despite the shit snow and butt ass cold temps, everyone was having a good day. So I guess the circle has closed up for me, there are so many facets of my life that so many people do not know about, but it seems like I'm nearly back to the beginning of it. There are new faces and friends and we all have our own circles we are trying to complete. With any luck at all we will all somehow find a way to get through it again until 2011 rolls around. And with that I wish all of my friends and A2B followers a very happy holiday season and a super healthy and FUN New Year. My only request of all of you is to keep it simple, and enjoy the simplicity as I do, the bike, the snow, the ginser, you know, the really good stuff, and hug your kids and family if ya got em, don't fuck it up, make it work, that is the only and correct choice. If you are in a bad situation, do something about it, make it work, eliminate the crap, and to all a good night.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

SKIING SUCKS, 2010 TRAINING HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN


It's one of those years. It may turn out like some of those ski seasons back in the late 80' and early 90's when all the storm tracks headed south. Places like Taos, Durango, Wolf Creek, and the east side of the divide get crushed during those seasons and the Vail Valley suddenly becomes part of the giant Dillon Donut effect. Granted, that can change in the drop of a hat around here, but so far the ski season has SUCKED. Nobody wants to ski, it's skinny and hard up there, ideal for core shots. I've skied four runs this year, one day, and this storm is gonna screw us as well it appears. So, I've been back on the bike the past two days, froze my cack and balls off today when the clowds rolled in, but got the crap inflatables on the road bike and did it. And now it's time to settle in on a 3lb box of shit.

Monday, December 21, 2009

SOME POACHING IS IN ORDER IN HONOR OF THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT.

When Stevil from "All Hail the Black Market" left "How to Avoid the Bummer Life" months ago, I think some of us who were semi-followers wondered if the fanatical ranting and out there posting would hold it's own. Well, things have remained status quo for Stevil and his artisitic skills and ranting are matched by none. It never ceases to amaze me how much crap this guy can dig up to make me laugh my ass off out loud. And then there is this, which again I just had to poach. Cyclecross (that's for you GK) has been mainstream for so many years we just did not dare ask about it.......I thought I could dig up some good shit. Check out the race leader grabbing a wheel in the creek, WTF?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

2009 STATE OF COLORADO CX CHAMPIONSHIPS HIT THE TUBE

Brian Patrick of Onsight Media has been hot on the Colorado Cyclocross trail with his camera now for a few years. And now he has produced a TV show which aired two nights ago on the Altitude Sports Network covering the 2009 States. Here is the tasty trailer, and I'm not sure you will ever see a better race to call in the Men's Open race, consider the last couple of seconds of this vij my demo tape. A brutal day, in brutal conditions, on a day not soon to be forgotten. Look for more airings of this show including tomorrow on ASN.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

THE GOOD NEWS JUST KEEPS ROLLIN IN..

In the true spirit of the Holidays, Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry ran his last deep route yesterday when his now ex-fiance dumped him out of the back of her pickup truck at high speed killing the sports star. Rumor has it she was on her way to Tiger Woods house when Henry tried to put the stops to it. More great 911 calls soon to come.I kind of wish there was more cycling stuff to talk about other than the new red jersey and the route of next years Vuelta.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

RUMORS OF NASCAR COMING TO EAGLE

Rumors are flying like Jeff Gordon's NASCAR race car that someone is looking at building a race track right here in good ol Eagle. Maybe it could double as a Velodrome?
Now, here's the really cool part, when you get done watching the racing if this were to happen, you can then head rite ovr to TJ MAX to pik up on ur official Jeff Gordon licensed products after slamming a pizza at Chuckee Cheese, dats some reeeeel livin.
I'm not sure if these are for your pets to eat and drink out of or your cereal? Coco Puffs with extra sugar anyone?

NOMINEES FOR A2B PERSON OF THE YEAR ARE

THIS GUY
THIS GUY
THIS GUY
THIS GUYTHIS GUY, SEEN HERE DUCKING THE NINE IRON THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY KNOCK HIS ASS OUT IN THE STREET. THIS GUY
THIS GUY
THIS GUY
THIS GUY
AND THIS GUY
IT'S GONNA BE TIGHT, BUT ONE VICTOR WILL EMERGE. DID I FORGET ANYONE?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I WANTED TO MAKE THIS MY BLOG POST TODAY

But some dick disabled the embed code for it on Youtube.
So Click Billy Idol, this is my theme song today.

THE MORE I WATCH.....

The more I'm glad I did not spend a fortune to go race at CX Nationals this year, I like both my collar bones too much..

Cycling Videos on CyclingDirt

Sunday, December 13, 2009

KATIE COMPTON WINS HER SIXTH!! TIM JOHNSON RUNS AWAY WITH MEN'S TITLE

photo cx mag
Katie Compton dominated from the start today en route to her 6th straight National CX Championship. KFC got the hole shot and never looked back. Meredith Miller had an amazing ride as she bested amy Dumbrowski for the second podge spot..In the mens race.
Tim Johnson took control relatively early and never looked back. This match-up was as heavily anticipated as any in the history of USA CX racing, but Johnson made the break early, it became a two man race with Trebon after they both left Powers behind after a crash, and the drama ended early, probably the least exciting race of the weekend as far as pure racing drama was concerned. Johnson rode flawless en route to his third title. Jake Wells rode an amazing race and finished 12th against the big heavies battling it out with Carl Decker for 11th spot.cx mag photo

COLORADO CRUSHES AT CX NATS...

Summerhill, Webber and Jonothan Baker, all 2009 National CX Champions
Noble talks race with Summerhill
photo Chris Hovey
Summerhill left the bulding with three to go
photo Janet Hill Webber rode a signature race, going to the front late and shedding the pretenders
photo Amy Dykema
good vij from cycling dirt

And after last years pile of crap to deal with at Nats, Jonathan Baker receives redemption, a 2009 National Championship

Cycling Videos on CyclingDirt
And the Danny Summerhill Show...

Cycling Videos on CyclingDirt

Saturday, December 12, 2009

PETE WEBBER/BOULDER CYCLESPORT, WINS NATIONAL CX CHAMPIONSHIP, WARD BAKER 4TH

photo cx mag live feed
It was Pete Webber's day today in Bend as the Colorado contingent continues to have a fantastic showing at Nationals. 190 riders deep was the 40-44 race. Webber started well, then made his way to the lead group and said "see ya" just past the mid point of the race, no one was able to match Webber, and Ward Baker was able to finish late and strong with a fourth place in the same race...good stuff. Follow the live race calls at CX Magazine and look for another run at a Championship from Brandon Dwight later in the day. Can Boulder Cyclesport double up?
And now two more Colorado riders on the top spot of the podium! Danny Summerhill rode away in the U23 race, then JONATHAN BAKER wins the 35+ race....redemption to say the least. Brandon Dwight finshes fourth, another killer ride for Boulder Cyclesport.

CX NATIONALS CONTINUE TODAY, JDUBS GEARING UP FOR ASSAULT ON TOP 10

Jake Wells during his incredible 2007 race in Kansas City, he warms up today, then throws tomorrow.
It's another full slate of racing today in Bend at the 2009 CX Nationals as the men's age classifications line it up all day. I spoke with Darren Cheek who has raced three times already as well as Jake Wells last night, both say the course has been pretty sketch but that yesterday it began to get tacky later in the day, with snow in the forecast and a melt/freeze cycle going on every evening, it should be reminiscent of KC two years ago, which makes me happy I'm at home typing instead of lining it up again at 8am this morning to get flogged by Ned Overend. It will be interesting to see if Ned can do it again, he's up in 15 minutes and conditions should be brutal.

Friday, December 11, 2009

BEND, OREGON CX NATIONALS, LOOKS BRUTAL...

After experiencing Kansas City two years ago in the most incredible conditions I've ever tried to stay upright on a bicycle in, I must say that by seeing the pictures from Bend yesterday, I'm glad I'm not there racing. It would be most awesome to be there cowbelling and screaming it up, but I no longer have the desire to go batter myself in those types of conditions anymore, guess I'm just soft at 52.
With that said, Colorado showed and throwed some yesterday in Bend. Below, local favorite Gary Thacker was in defense of his 2008 National Title in the 55+ race. Gary ran into a buzz saw named Paul Curly and finished second this year. Yet another astonishing performance from Thacker, second does not suck Gary...well done. And Pete Watson overcame some mid season serious injuries to finish 18th in the same race, top 20 doc, not bad.
Thacker below burrying it for the cause....
photo Janet Hill
Curly on his battle with Thacker

Find more videos like this on Cyclocross Magazine
Other Locals had great races yesterday as well in the B Races (also known as the "Sandbagger" class to make USA Cycling a small pile of cash). Mike Robson of Moots finished second in the 40+ field with Darren the sneak Cheek fourth. Batchhelder was 8th and Farrell 13th. All crushers in tough cnditions...judging by the 50 or so DNF's.
Gage Hecht just won a CX National Championship in the 10-12 junior race! Freekin awesome Gage! Cade Bickmore 7th...sweet top ten!
Zane Godby is winning with two laps to go! Colorado is crushing. Godby finishes on the second podge spot!


Find more videos like this on Cyclocross Magazine
Colorado women crushed today as well....Laurel Rathbun, the sock diva took a bronze, Karen Hogan Silver, and Mina Anderberg is a National Champion in 2009.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

WHY DENY IT ANYMORE

Let's go get frostbite!

The Beav is ready to get all jibbed up.

AND FILED UNDER "WHO GIVES A CRAP"

Here is the New Team Radio Shack bike..

I CAN'T RIDE MY BIKE....AND I'M GRUMPY ABOUT IT

My first day of skiing was almost a consideration this morning until I woke up and took a peek at the thermometer, which stated it was below zero outside, and I do not do below zero anymore, I'll let the kids go out and burn the skin off their face this morning with frostbite. It dumped in Eagle yesterday, which means the bike thing is over for a while, and frankly, I've skied enough in my life to not get too excited about pictures like these..to be honest, I hate the gal damn snow at this point of my life. And this is what my street looks like this morning, and I aint skiin, so what the hell is it good for?

With that said, a friend/real estate client of mine who lives in Hawaii, sent me a package of MOUNTAIN THUNDER coffee from his home. This makes it a much more positive day, and I may just lock myself in the house and drink this until spring time and bounce off the walls for a while.

And it appears by this picture of Yuki Saito, Pro Ergon/Topeak mountain biker, we won't be riding in Moab anytime soon...sick pic though.

Monday, December 7, 2009

THIS IS A COOL DAWG..

His name is Hoover and he don't chase bikes.
And he shares his bacon.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

LAP ONE OF THE MEN'S OPEN RACE, 2009 COLORADO CX CHAMPIONSHIPS

It was Jake Wells on the front of the race after lap one, but a series of crashes took him too far out of contention later in the race along with many other favorites as they all had their own issues. Webber and Dwight survived the brutalness the best, and
Webber took the win.

And who is that dork making the race call?

Colorado Cyclocross State Championship - Men's Open from Lenny Maiorani on Vimeo.

Of course this video does not do this descent justice, this thing was gnarly, and on December 17th on Altitude Sports Network, you'll see the highlights...

CONOR MULLERVY BITES IT AT RRV II LAST WEEKEND, AND COLORADO'S TODD WELLS TAKES PORTLAND..







RRV #2 - Sandy Crash from Lenny Maiorani on Vimeo.
Check out the sand "blast" from a true face plant

And up in Portland at the seventh and final round of the USGP of Cross, Colorado's Todd Wells showed and throwed on the big heavies who were supposed to battle for the title. Powers, Driscoll, Trebon and Johnson all got taken to the wood shed on Saturday by Wells on their home court.

photo Joe Sales

And then there is this pic, which I just like...

And this one kind of fits right into the A2B level of maturation as well...

THAT'S A WRAP, 2009 STATE CX A BATTERFEST

The 2009 ACA Colorado State Cyclocross Championships closed out the season with more of the same yesterday, mud and snow, on a course that produced what I would like to describe as a "batterfest" most of the day. Reminiscent of Kansas City two years ago at Nats when conditions changed dramatically during the course of the day, from snow packed ice to kacky mud, and then frozen mud ruts later in the day when temps plummeted. The best bike handlers and most fortunate riders were able to battle through alot of adversity to gain podium spots. For others, many we are accustomed to seeing on the front, the bell of misfortune clanged loudly, and dreams were shattered for many of the favorites as chains dropped, crashes injured, inner tunes wrapped and flatted and a myriad of other difficulties provided opportunities for some fresh blood on podiums. If you had no crew and spare bike, you were how should we say...fucked.
Below, Chad Melis did not have enough Gordon Beer to pour on his bike during the race to keep it clean, and instead had to clear the brakes many times while racing, but still finished well. And that shit on the down tube, well that is frozen solid. No shit.
Pete Webber wisely moved off the front early in the men's open race and was chased by a group of seven. Jake Wells had the early hole shot, then regained the lead on lap three after a crash, but a series of mishaps by all the chasers with the exception of Brandon Dwight led to control of the race by Boulder Cyclesport teammates Pete Webber and Dwight. They rode together for four laps until Webber attacked early with one to go. Dwight stayed tight. The sprint to the line for a 2009 championships was amazing, Dwight came from the back to the front, Webber countered just shy of the line, and with shoulders literally rubbing at the line, Webber took the win by a just a foot or so. Matt Pachoca was able to overcome his own race issues late a secure the last spot on the podge. I almost blew a nut on the finish call it was so damn close.
The Spiral of Death, if it looks confusing, well, it was.
Besides that race, the 35 Mn's Open was as usual hotly contested. Two BIG heavies, Faia and Cariveau were felled early with mechanical issues allowing Ward Baker to suddenly be off the front and stay there for the championship, it was great stuff. And the crowd cheered loud and hard for Baker when he crossed the finish as excited as a 6 year old getting the gold ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009