EARTHQUAKE HITS MY PANTS, AID NEEDED..

Since my youth, I've had a problem with eating too much and then paying the consequences. Today, after the first double of the year which included some agro fast skiing at the Beav, and then an afternoon session on two wheels on the road, I was hungry, and much like I did whence I was a toddler I went in big, and I'm talking think 14 jars of strained carrots. It was the lunch special at Asian Spice Bistro and then a session at Taco Bell where they had to close after my order due to running out of food. Well, just an hour later, there was a magnitude 8.4 earthquake in my pants, and the resulting damage has me buried up to my neck. Please text "shit in pants" to 90999 and help me dig out of this mess. Water is a waste of time at this point, and the only medication I need is a gallon of Pepto Bismol. Thank you for your support.